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26-Jan-2018 17:02

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Dating after divorce can be a minefield for the midlife woman.

Perhaps even thornier than pondering what to wear on a date, where to go, who pays—not to mention how you even find people to date in this brave new world of Internet match-ups—is getting over your reluctance to take a stab at it. "A divorced woman may feel very vulnerable at this stage, in part because she used to have a spouse to 'protect' her and now she has to go out into the world on her own," says Diana Kirschner, Ph D, author of .

Just be ever-vigilant and watch for any signs that may indicate it's time to back off. You go to Disneyland and you get on the first ride.

But do you think she's going to stop with the first ride? If you're around when that happens, she'll hit your ride, too. All you have to do is maintain your sanity, which I guarantee you, my friend, will be no easy task.

It's more like "Men are from Mars and these women are from some alternate dimension on Hell's doorstep." To begin with, any woman in this situation is a wounded animal. One responds well to cuddling and affection, the other will rip your guts out.

The big question is, what kind of wounded animal is she? The problem here is, she could be either, both or neither all in the same day. The other thing most of these women go through is something I call "The First Ride at Disneyland Syndrome." Think about it. But do you want to keep going on the same ride again and again, never experiencing the others?

She’s busy, or she might have just started working again. And lastly, the recently separated woman is dating again. Most would say they see themselves as being more attractive, right? But, let me take you into the mind of the recently separated 40 something woman. I had zero self esteem when it came to my professional ability, and figured the only skills I had now were diaper changing, bottle feeding and house cleaning. If you have to bite your tongue until it bleeds, don't do it. Don't reveal your true feelings, and whatever you do, DO NOT tell her you love her.What we forget is that even if a person hasn’t just exited a relationship, aside from knowing our own boundaries (which can rule out certain things that we’ve already made a decision on in advance of), we cannot get all of the answers upfront or have someone tell us what ‘the ending’ will be.

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Each situation is different but what you can say with a high degree of certainty is that someone who’s just fallen out of their marriage, who’s still in reconciliation negotiations, who’s still very influenced by their spouse, and who has been separated for a long time ‘just because’, is going to bring pain into your life.Instead, "it's usually clear when you're not ready," says Susan Pease Gadoua, a therapist and author of .



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